Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I will survive….stopping the battering of women

I will survive….stopping the battering of women

This is a fictional story, but it could be true and could be happening to someone you know right now.

The church bells rang on their happy day. Finally, after months of preparing Shana and Dell were a married couple. The two of them had big plans for their future. Plans that included buying a big house, raising a family, and living the American dream.
The two of them settled into their new life. Dell, went off to work everyday in the coal mines and Shana stayed at home each day being a good housewife. There life was great, but sadly to say…it only lasted for a little while.

Overtime, Dell became very jealous of anyone who noticed his wife. Whether it be a simple hello, a smile, or a phone call. He became demanding and started telling Shana what to do and when to do it. Confused about what was happening, Shana tried her best to do the right things. She tried so hard that she put her own life on hold. Soon, she didn’t go out of the house anymore.

With complete control of her every thought, Dell soon began to manipulate every situation in their lives. When Shana would speak up, he would slap her and toss her around the room. Always belittling her with his words. Taunting and teasing her with every hit to her face. Telling her that she could never survive without him. This abuse went on for along time. Shana, literally hid from those around her so that she wouldn’t have to explain her bruises to anyone. Alone in her own little world, controlled constantly by a man who loved to abuse her.
B roken into tiny little pieces and no self esteem, Shana barely talked when she did go out. One day something happened…something that would change her life forever. While in the grocery store, a lady came up to her out of no where. She touched Shana’s hand and looked into her eyes. Then, she spoke to Shana…words that Shana needed to hear, “You are hurting my child with a pain you should not be carrying. Come with me and be free of all this hurting and pain. I will take you to a safe house and he will never hurt you again. Never touch you or beat on you ever again.” Stunned, Shana didn’t know what to do. It was true…everything the lady was saying was true. Tired of being battered and abused, Shana decided to just walk away with that nice lady and leave all that she had behind.

Months passed and Shana was growing stronger everyday. She never realized that she didn’t have to live that way. Now, she was feeling like she was somebody. Completing college courses and looking for a job, she finally realized that everything Dell had done to her was wrong. He had told her that she would never survive being on her own. To her amazement she was stronger than she had ever been and still standing. She was a survivor…one of the few that actually make it out alive. Being grateful for that day when someone took the time to see her pain and offer their help.

To this day Shana is still a survivor and her story is one that has been told by all who survive a battered and abusive relationship throughout our world. If you know of someone who is in an abusive or battered relationship…please take the time to help them.
This song is for all who have been battered and abused…I will survive by Gloria Gaynor

Facts and Information
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner: 
  •  Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you. 

  • Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.

  • Tries to isolate you from family or friends.

  • Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.

  • Does not want you to work.

  • Controls finances or refuses to share money.

  • Punishes you by withholding affection.

  • Expects you to ask permission.

  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.

  • Humiliates you in any way.
  • You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
  • Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).

  • Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.

  • Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.

  • Scared you by driving recklessly.

  • Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.

  • Forced you to leave your home.

  • Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.

  • Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.

  • Hurt your children.

  • Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
  • Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.

  • Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.

  • Wants you to dress in a sexual way.

  • Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.

  • Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.

  • Held you down during sex.

  • Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.

  • Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.

  • Involved other people in sexual activities with you.

  • Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or your local domestic violence center to talk with someone about it.
Get Help
Is this Abuse?
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